I Am Scared

Today I am Pouring My Heart Out over on Things I Can't Say blog. Truly today is one from the heart, and no one knows how I am feeling inside. My hubby got laid off last Friday and he is job searching. Jobs here are far and few in between, I am scared on how we are going to pay our rent, bills, and other things. I do not want to be homeless. I have been through that before and that was the worst experience of my life.


 I am scared that I am slowly losing my vision in my right eye. You never know how much you value your vision until it starts going away. I hate wearing these glasses, but I have to, to prevent it from getting worse faster.


I am scared I had 2 mini seizures this week. I know it is stress induced, but how can I not stress at a time like this. I am going to have to tell my doctor Monday and I might be admitted to the hospital for further testing. I am frighten of hospitals and all their equipment.


I am scared that my life is turning into shambles and theres nothing I can do about it. I just want to sit in a corner and cry my eyes out. Course with money problems hubby and me are arguing alot more lately. I know he is trying to find a job. He truly is, but its just not happening fast enough.


I am scared what this is going to do to our relationship. I am frustrated and angry all the time. I love him with all my heart, and is a really good man to me, but I take it out on him. I really don't mean to, I am just scared of what is going to happen in the future.


I am screaming and crying inside and nobody knows. Its my little secret, while I try to put on a brave face. But that mask is shattering faster by the day and I don't know what to do...