I don't even know where to begin this post, I am just so unhappy. I am unhappy with life, my world, and everything in it. I don't know why, I just am. I saw my doctor Monday and she upped my Paxil and gave me something else to relieve the anxiety I have been going through. While it is a short term relief it still doesn't fix what is so wrong with me. I am going back to my therapist on the 27th, because its clear I need to talk to someone about the way I feel. My husband thinks you can just "control" depression, so that doesn't help. I keep telling him to read up on it or least google it. Get some kind of understanding of what I am going through. This is not something I can fix on my own. I need outside help. I am depressed. I hate my world right now. I need YOU to understand that. At least the "rages" or "anger" has slowed up a lot. I, no longer feel the need, to just explode in one moment and go crazy on somebody. I am stressed and theres no outlet for me, unless you call bitching about it constantly to your best friend an outlet. The only good thing is husbands unemployment was approved and hopeful get it in time before we become homeless.
If I could sum up how I feel in one sentence, it would be: I feel like my whole world is out of control. Uncertainty is not a word I am comfortable with. It causes me to stress and worry. I wish I could just run the hell away and leave all my problems behind. But that is not an option. I have to trust in God, to bring me through this. I have to believe that to get through the day. I am not big enough to fight this demon inside me alone. I have been through so much in the 33 years I have been on this Earth, and even my doctor tells me I am strong. I am tired of being strong. Can someone else carry me for awhile?
